Ah! I haven't posted in like a week! or something like that, I don't really know how long it's been. It feels like a week. Gosh, I hope it hasn't been more than a week...
I can't understand how people get themselves to blog every day. I like consistency and all, but unless someone forces me to write or be productive, it is hard for me to be. I enjoy writing. I enjoy being productive. It's just this block I have in place, where I cannot allow myself to only work. Sometimes I go days or weeks, and I am productive the entire time. Those are usually the best days I have.
But I always suddenly hit this moment. Usually it's at night. And when I say 'suddenly', it's not just so I can add a fun word. It is always sudden. One second, I'm happy as can be, I love life, I love my girlfriend, I love my family, school, whatever, everything.
I realize, nothing really matters. All my productivity and work really amounts to nothing. In the end, everybody dies. I always come to the conclusion that if there isn't a God, everything is meaningless. But if there is a God, the only things that really matter are people. Because they are all we keep with us after we die, if we keep anything at all.
So, after a couple stagnant days of working through how meaningless life feels, I want to read. I want to hang out with people and chill out and enjoy my life, since it is going to be pretty short anyways!
I don't think there is anything wrong with that. But that period where I don't do anything usually lasts a while, and I am not happy during it.
I hope I get out of these endless cycles. It's a funny thought, that one day there might not be a "tomorrow" for me. I think that's the only way to break out; to comprehend one's own mortality. Or, maybe immortality. I wonder.
